Hawaii: Day 10; Diamond Head & New Life

This has been my last full day in Hawaii and it is now coming to a close. I dudn't think I would be as sad as I am to see it end, but I know it's my time to go home. I have learned so much about myself here and now it's time to go home and really apply it.

So today's first event was climbing Diamond head, and I should start by saying that there is a story behind this. Ever sense I got here, Sarah has been talking about Diamond Head, it was supposed to be a brutal climb but worth it for the view from the top. I myself love being outside and hiking and what not. So the whole trip I'm kind of waiting to do it, and it was even a topic of conversation when Sis. Tammy had picked me up on Wednesday night for church. Sis. Tammy had described her journey to the top as almost spiritual, once she got down God really opened her eyes to some things. Today I took that same journey.

Starting up the mountain was difficult, there was stony and uneven ground, sometimes you couldn't see exactly where you were going, sometimes people were moving ahead of you or falling behind, and sometimes it was a very steep climb, and I found this all to be very spiritual. I felt like I could really apply the whole climb to my walk with God, and so I did. I had a conversation with God, throughout the whole climb. It was almost like every step I was overcoming something in my life that had been haunting me. And when I finally finally got to the top, it was worth the climb. Going up I felt like I could die, coming down I felt like I could skip. The view put you in awe, my thought was, "God, you do good work." It was a moving experience, and physically challenging. I am really glad I did it.

After Diamond Head I went to church with Ryan at New Life Church in O'ahu. The service was absolutely incredible. The preacher really spoke a word into my life. It was everything I had needed, everything I was waiting for, and more. I really felt like after that service, I was changed. And when I went outside the sun was setting, and it was the first full sunset that I had seen sense I have been here and I felt like it was just for me.

When church was over, Ryan, Tony, Excel, Noe, Bryant, Kevin, Aricka, Denise, and I all went out to eat at pizza hut. It was another opportunity to get to know these people, who are all so sweet and humble.  I've known them less than a week but they already feel like family the way the are just so welcoming. I will never forget these people or what God has done for me on this trip.

So on my last night here in Hawaii, the plan has always been to look over my previous posts and really reflect on what God has done. I just finished doing so and it really is amazing to see where God has brought me from. I think this vacation was exactly what I have needed. God is really directing my life in a new way. I feel myself growing up, and coming out of my shell even more. I've grown as a person here. I feel refreshed, restored, happy, and optomistic and all I can do is thank God for this imense blessing he's given me.

If God be for me, who can stand against me?

Hawaii: Day 9; Hyphen

Today's post will unfortunately not contain any photos. Right after I left the house, I realized I had left my memory card and didn't have the time to go back and get it. However, sometimes when my camera malfunctions so that I can't take a photo, or I do something silly like leave my memory card at home, I take it as almost like a sign, that moments like those are God ordained. I can't really explain it, but it's like those moments are just for me. Rather than have the images imprinted on a memory card, he wants that specific time imprinted on my heart. So for today, I am okay with not having any photos. 

The best part about today was going to the sectional Hyphen event here on Oahu. Hyphen is a group for the inbetween ages so to speak. There is a gap in the church, and a forgotten generation, hyphen serves to bridge that gap and aide this age group durring this transitional period in our lives. I got to meet a lot of great young people from the different churches here like, Monica, Josh, and Bryant. I also had the opportunity to see, Jhona, Excel, Tony, Ryan, and Noelani again. It's been a blessing to be around other people who believe the same things I do. I wasn't sure what to expect going into the event but in all honesty there is so much that I have taken away from it. 

Sis. Juddie Wasson, the pastors wife at Abundent Life Church, spoke on relationships. She had some incredible things to say and really make me change my views on a lot of things. I think instead of seeing things from the point of view as a young person, I'm now seeing it from an 18 year old's young adult perspective. Here are some of the notes I took.

-So much of Relationships is making right choices.

-You don't have to wait for someone else to be complete. 

-When you see yourself as less than someone else, as little, or unnatractive, you gravitate people who feel the same way about themseleves.

-When you feel incomplete, you gravitate people who are incomplete.

-Before you can be with someone else you have to be complete in God and see yourself as he sees you.

-If you try to take your personal journey with someone else they will ALWAYS pull you off track.

-There is power in the what we speak.

-You should always be growing in your relationship with God.

-You should always be growing acedemically, in your learning.

-You should always be growing spiritually.

-You should always be growing physically. Getting older means learning to care for your body.

-Usually, when you say you can't hear God's voice it is because you are in rebellion. You don't want to hear the answer He has, or the word He has.

-We have to go into prayer in all honesty saying, "I'll do it your way God."

-Too often in relationships we are longing for a feeling when it is a choice.

-The factors that should influence your decision in your relationships are, character, personality, and your calling.

-And disobedience that goes too long is sin.

-The alter is just the beginning.

-There is a danger and not cleaning up the rubble after the walls have been broken down.

-You should always pray after you learn new things. It applies it to your heart and soul.

I think the biggest thing I took away from Sis. Juddie's lesson was the concept of being complete in God.  We really have to know God, and be secure in our walk with him, secure in our identity in him, and then he will give us someone who can walk with us. We are all called to a personal jouney with God that we must take alone before he gives us our companion. I am ready and more than excited to see where this journey will take me. I want to be complete and whole in God, and absolutely nothing matters more.

Hawaii: Day 8; Earthquakes, Tsunami's, and Walphins

Yesterday around 2:45 pm Japan suffered a massive earthquake. The rictor scale was origionally found to be an 8.9, but was later changed to 9.1 doubling the force of the blow. Japan is experiencing an great deal of devestation to their coast and as many of the tourist here are Japanese, I am sure that many of them worry about the home or lack there of that they may return to. The surge from the earthquake cause a tsunami that followed in it's wake. Around 7pm (HST) or so last night a Tsunami watch was in progress for Oahu, the Island I am currently staying on. Within a few hours, this watch became a warning and we were to be advised that there was indeed a tsunami headed for the Hawaiian Islands. Sirens sounded late into the night as tourist and residents were voluntarily evacuated from there coastal residencies.

When we discovered that this was more than just a watch and the sirens started to sound I turned on the news as my anxiety started to peak. All across the news were maps of what the damage of the Tsunami would look like. From what I saw it looked as though most of the Islands would suffer around 2-3/4 submersion. I stayed up looking at the same news footage over and over until I fell asleep just long enough to be woken as the first series of waves hit. I had already called my mom to tell her what was going on and she and my youth pastor were praying for me, (as well as many others as I later found out). I was getting calls from a flood of people which were most appreciated and a little somber. They began to feel like final phone calls. Thankfully, I was very safe where I am staying. The military base Ft.Shaffter is fairly high in elevation and centrally located. I was praying that God would calm the seas just as he did in the bible, and he did. The tsunami that was supposed to be fairly strong did not hit Oahu with terrible force. Although the North Shore harbor is a little banged up, for the most part there was little to no serious damage done to the Island.

Little did I know, how many people were praying for me. I recieved, calls, text, wall posts, voicemails, comments, and message from people letting me know they were praying for me and thinking of me. Some people even tagged me in posts to let people know my know and to pray for me. I felt so loved and I really appreciated all of the care and support that came my way. I truely believe it could have been a lot worse had it not been for the prayers of God's people.

Today was a much calmer day, although for Emily I'm sure it was nothing but sheer excitement. We ventured back to Sea Life Park to participate in a dolphin encounter, or in Emily, Kyle, and I's case, a wolphin encounter. I always enjoy doing something I have never done before, but this was especially memorable. The way the dolphins move with such grace through the water is really incredible to watch, and to be so close to these animals, I felt very lucky. Kekaimalu, the worlds only Wolphin, (hybrid of a killer whale and bottle nose dolphin) was a pleasure to be around, even if he did splash me.

After the encounter we got some food and ate down by one of the canals. On the way over the bridge we couldn't hep but notice how earie the water looked. Normally a vibrant blue, the water was now an ominous grey. As we sat eating our food we kept watch on the water, the way it behaved was unlike anything I had ever seen it do. It was like the current at the bottom of the ocean was pushing the water up creating a rise in it's level, it was also going in and out at the same time creating little whirl pool effects. And while some of the water was spiraling and trembling, other parts were completely flat. The clouds were odd as well, they are typically grey or white, but today they loomed heavy over the mountains in a deep purple.

I'm not sure of what I have learned today exactly, but I do know thing, I have never been more appreciative of all the prayers that have come my way. I truely felt secure in knowing that I had family and friends on the mainland looking out for me in their good thoughts and prayers. Sometimes it is so easy to think that no one cares, and it was really incredible to have my eyes opened as to how many do. I am beyond thankful. God Bless, and continue to pray for those in Japan!

Hawaii: Day 6 & 7; Abundent Life & Back to the N. Shore

Unfortunately, because I got home so late last night I did not have the opportunity to blog about my day, so instead I am blogging two days into one.

Yesterday I had the great opportunity to attend Abundent life church, here on Oahu. The people there were so welcoming, I felt just like family. That same night they had two baptized in the Name of Jesus. Praise the LORD. It's awesome to see that God is truely moving everywhere. It has been really hard to be here without my church, but visiting Abundent Life was like a little piece of home.

After church I got to spend some time with some of the youth, Ryan, Noelani, Excel and Tony. Tony reminded me so much of Adam, my sisters boyfriend. Noelani reminded me of Maria, but a Maria from back in the day. Ryan was really nice and Excel with his trust in God really inspired me. They were all really good and Godly people.

Today, Sarah and I went back to the North Shore. We went into some galleries and little boutiques. We even got to meet a photographer. I will admit the guy was kind of a hippie, but very interesting and I really loved his work. That is one of my favorite things about the North Shore, not only getting to see all of the great art but also meeting the artist first hand. After that we met a surfer who coaches some of the pros. Everyone here is so different from back home. Back home everything is so rushed, heyhowyoudoingseeyoulater. Here everyone is hang loose man, no worries and they actually take time out just to have a real conversation with you.

Later we went back to Waikiki and heard some Hawaiian music, singing and saw some hula dancers. And now we heard that there has been an Earthquake near Japan and it has causes a Tsunami warning for the Island. I'm a little worried but I know God will protect me if anything were to happen.

As far as what I have learned over the past few days is that I think we take for granted the people in our lives. Like I said earlier, on the mainland everything is so rushed. We never really take the time to sit down with people and have a good conversation which is something that I actually really love doing. Hopefully when I go back home I will be able to put into action this new found "stop and smell the roses" attitude. Also, the message the other night was about praying for our leadership and authority. It was something that I really needed to hear and I thank God that it came at the right time.

Hawaii: Day 5; Waimea Falls & The North Shore

Everything up until today has been nothing short of amazing, I mean I have seen so many beautiful places, and done so many fun things, but today by far has been the best. Today we visited Hale'iwa, Hawaii's historic North Shore. Which was completely prefect for me, it is a beat nic beach town with pro surfers, artists, great little resteraunts and the best shave ice you can find. I was completely at home here. I like Honolulu but it is a large city, and I have the city at home, what I don't have at home is what I experienced today.

Waimea Falls was out first adventure, a 3/4 mile hike to a waterfall and we were the first ones there. There are no words to describe the lush green of the forest that we walked through to get to the waterfall. Everthing was surreal, I would go back to Hawaii just for the purpose of this park. Swimming in the waterfall was probably the best part, I've never experienced anything like it. The sky was clear blue, the mountains were all around and the forest stood like a canopy overhead. This place was EVERYTHING that I loved about Hawaii, quiet, peaceful, and natural.

After Waimea Falls we visited this great resteraunt called Breakers. Our waiter talked just like a surfer but he was really sweet. Everyone there was just really nice. I talked to another guy in a shop I went in who had actually heard of Lansing because his Kung Foo instructor taught there sometimes. Then following that we went to the Best Shave Ice place in the world, M. Matsumoto's Shave Ice. I wasn't expecting it to be as good of it was, but it defintely lived up to the hype.

So today I have realized two things, make that three. 1)That despite how much I hate arrogance, it would appear that I myself am arrogant. 2)That I am not above pressure. 3) That I am not about being homesick.

 I used to think that if I were to go away somewhere, that I would be so absolutely grounded in my faith that nothing would make me waiver in anyway. I believe that I was untouchable to any pressure that people might put on me to "conform." I have probably even looked down on people who have conformed under pressure. But now I see very clearly that it is not an easy thing to be somewhere far away from the people who know you best, far away from the people who believe the same things you do, and still keep to what you know. Walking in faith out of your comfort zone is not an easy thing, and I'm not sure there is a perfected way to prepare for it, but I feel like it's is something that all of us have to go through at some point.

Another misconception that I've had is that it should seem such an easy thing to leave home and live somewhere else. I would look at people who go to away and get so homesick that they need to come home and almost be resentful. I saw it as, you have this great opportunity to leave the nest! To grow up and be on your own, WHY in the world would you give that up. I now realize, that it is not as simple as that. It is a major adjustment to be away from something that has been possibly 18 or even 18+ years in the making. You build a way of life that you are comfortable with. With people that you are comfortable with. And then before you know it you are starting from scratch. This experience has really changed my thinking on leaving home, when it comes down to it, I know that it won't be as easy as it once seemed.

For thinking all of this, I have found myself to be arrogant. I was too pompous to really believe that I was anything less than invincible. But I am glad to have come to these realizations. I'm glad that I know now, that I am not invincible.

Hawaii: Day 4; Whale Watching & Waikiki

Whale watching has been somewhat of a bucket list idea for me. Something that you write down but never really believe you'll get the oportunity to do before you die. So to finally do it, to finally be out of a boat looking for this burst of mist to spot a whale, was truely incredible. The view of the shoreline was magnificent and the sight of such majestic creatures was truely something to be remembered. I will, in all honesty, never forget how exciting it was everytime I saw one surface.

There are a few different ways that whales will surface, they will blow out of their blow hole and curve their back taking a dive back under (most common), showing their flute or tail (fairly common), show their pectorial fin and flap it against the water (somewhat rare), or breach which is where their head and most of the body comes up and then they fall of their side (rare). I was lucky enough to see everything but a breach.  However, I feel that it was made up for in the fact that we saw a mother and her baby. I think the best part about whale watching is that not like visiting an animal in captivety, these animals are in their natural habitat not from behind a glass window.

I could have stayed out on that boat forever looking at the endless sky, drifting further and further away from the shoreline but eventually the tour was over and we headed to Waikiki. Waikiki is a pretty famous beach, and I can see why. The colors and the clarity of the water are just beautiful. Swimming in it with mountains looming overhead was just unreal. Lanikai is still my favorite so far, but I have yet to see the North Shore. The great part about these Islands is that each side of them has something very different to offer. I can't wait to see Diamond Head and the North Shore very soon.

& To follow a pattern I feel like I should insert a "lesson of the day". Today, I talked to my good friends, Elle and Maria on skype. I am very thankful to have them both in my life and they have both unknowingly helped me to realize some things about myself. Elle always makes me feel funny, and she is so understanding everytime I show a hidden part of me that I don't find to be very pretty. And Maria, is unlike any friend that I have ever had. She has always been one to help me to see in myself what I can't see. So here is what I have found, from these two incredible ladies. One of the hardest things for me to overcome is acceptance. I never truely accept things for the way they are, and therefore never embrace the good things either.

Over the last few months, and even years I have had people pray over me, and time and time again people who don't even know me that well will say something to the effect of, "LORD, let her see herself the way that YOU see her." And to be quite honest this has been a battle for me. I don't always see myself as beautiful and unique and strong. It used to be that when people complimented me I didn't even know how to take it, because I don't think I really believed it. For so long I've been at war with myself, and I think it's about time for some acceptance, flaws and all I need to love myself and really see myself through the eyes of someone who can take all that I am and all that I've done and still say, "it is good."

Hawaii: Day 3; Dolphins

This afternoon we celebrated Emily's 6th Birthday. Coming to Hawaii was actually the first time I had the pleasure of meeting Emily. She's a very sweet little girl. Her birthday party was at a resort that reminded me of seaworld but it was much smaller and more intimate. You get a lot closer to the animals. It was a really nice time, and I even got to touch a dolphin. However, I've forgotten how exhausting kids parties are. I was really worn out. I think how worn out I was came across as boredom or that I was sad or something.

Sarah had even asked me why the long face. I didn't even notice that I'd looked down at all. I guess I am a little down though, and even being in Paradise and viewing all of these incredible places, it is still a little hard to let myself enjoy it. I think a lot of the time I am sad, but more often than not, what I don't allow myself to really believe is that I am angry. I think I try to hide my anger from myself, because I don't want to be an angry or resentful person. But if I am, I just need to be accountable for it. I don't want to be angry, but I think I am a little bit, and I also think that I worry too much. But this is the person that I've become, how do you change when it's all you've come to know?

At some point today it was implied that I may have what is called survivors guilt. The best was to explain it is with an analogy. There is a car accident and everyone dies, except you. You end up feeling guilty that everyone else has passed and you are still alive. There are a lot of bad things that have happened in my life, some very tough situations, and I feel like I've been beat down and have come back swinging. I'm a survivor. I know that, and I am not only surviving but thriving, but I do feel a bit of guilt with it. I am an utter mess of conflicting emotions and trying to sort through all of them and accept and deal with each of them is no easy task. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, without even really bothering to look at heavy my own baggage has become. I think it is about time that I lighten the load and start casting away some of the things that have been weighing me down. Especially, my guilt.